November 19, 1995

Yesterday was, in retrospect, a great day. I woke up as David left for the office. I felt irritable, nervous and horny as hell. I think it was the fact that I was horny that made me nervous and irritable. By 9 a.m. I had already eaten my breakfast, downed a couple cups of LaMinita and smoked my first cigar. It was one of those days when you constantly have to fight with yourself to make yourself do something. I was crazily wavering between lighting up another stoogie and eating the remainder of a cheesecake that called out to me from the shelf in the refrigerator.

I caught myself in mid-stride toward the kitchen to gobble up the rich self destruction. I thought, "this is crazy, after I inhale the cheesecake I'll fire up another cigar. If I put myself into bondage for a while I'll save myself from being self destructive".

We keep a bag of ice cubes in the freezer which have strings frozen in them just for the purpose of enforcing periods of self bondage.

I set everything up carefully. I placed an ice cube with the end of a string frozen in it into a coffee mug them placed another ice cube on top of it to weight it down and to prolong the bondage. I rolled the ambulance gurney into position so that the key tied to the ice cube would fall where I could reach it when it was thawed free. I stripped myself down to my boots and stainless steel chastity belt that David makes me wear to keep me from getting myself off. I went about positioning a pair of leg irons, two pairs of peerless handcuffs, ropes and chains that I would use to tie myself down. I cinched a bondage belt snugly around my waist and strapped a head harness with locking buckles around my head and then locked all the buckles. When I put myself into bondage, I usually don't snap the gag into the muzzle but this time my cock was doing my thinking for me.

Everything was set. I jumped up onto the gurney and fastened the leg irons around my booted ankles. I tied one end of a rope to the "D" ring on the right side of the bondage belt then pulled the other end until it was tight, tying tied it off on the left side. I had already locked a chain to the head of the gurney. I locked the free end of that chain to the head harness. With my head and ankles chained to the gurney I was already in inescapable bondage until the ice melted which would allow the key to drop into reach. I then double locked the handcuffs to my wrist so that they wouldn't tighten up on me. Before I locked the free ends of the cuffs to the gurney I strapped a blindfold over my eyes and clamped my tits with wooden clothespins. Wooden clothespins are pretty wimpy when they're on for just a little while, an hour or two. Finally I locked the free ends of the cuffs to opposite sides of the gurney.

It was done. I had successfully placed myself in inescapable bondage, until the ice melted. It was the same bondage that I had done many times before. I had nothing to do but lay back and enjoy the bondage and increasing pain in my tits.

There is always a period of anxiety about putting myself into inescapable bondage. I mainly fear that someone will break into the house while I am helpless and alone.

I finally relaxed. I dropped in and out of an almost meditative state while waiting for the ice to melt.

SUDDENLY !!! I heard a loud thump at my side. I figured out that it was the cat. I heard him playing with something and then heard the mug that the ice cubes were in crash to the floor. The cat, in brazen playful abandon, ignored the clatter and continued to play with the string which I found out later had gotten tangled around a nearby table leg.

I laid there waiting for the ice to melt so that the key would drop. I waited and waited but it never happened. The damn cat had fucked me up.

I laid there listening to the C.D. changer clicking through the six discs that I put in it, then silence after it finished the last song on the last disc. It was long past time for the key to drop. I began to struggle, hoping to find a flaw in my bondage technique which would allow me to escape. I had done this bondage so many times that I had perfected an escape proof situation for myself, at least without the keys. I tried to reach the clothespins which had begun to cause almost unbearable pain. They were out of reach. I gave up for a while and then tried again. Escape was impossible. I wished that David would magically become aware of my situation. I wanted to scream for help but I knew that if a neighbor heard me they'd call the police and then I'd have to bear the pain of embarrassment during the rest of my life in the neighborhood. Besides, even if I tired, the tongue depressor gag which tickled the back of my throat would muffle the scream so that it would never be heard.

The gag became annoying. My jaw muscles started to become sore and tense by being held apart by the bulk of the gag. There were moments of panic about choking to death on it but I managed to control myself. I kept thinking, "don't panic, panic kills...".

I laid there in agony, trying to keep my wits.

Five o'clock chimed on the mantle clock in the living room upstairs. I figured that I was home free. David would be home soon. Then I heard the phone ring and a message muffled by the ceiling and floor above me. "Are you there ? Anyone there ? Oh well, I have to work late tonight, probably till around nine, maybe later. I have to finish this audit before tomorrow, see ya, love ya."

"OH FUCK ! of all nights, WHY TONIGHT !" I couldn't control my tears. "NEVER AGAIN ! I'll kill that DAMNED CAT !" I laid back and tried to gain control of myself but tears soaked the fleece lining of the blindfold.

I struggled with the bondage again but it only reinforced the fact that I was completely helpless. Then I thought, "what if David gets into an accident on his way home ? I'm such an ass hole for doing this to myself".

I laid back, having damned myself to death by bondage...

I awoke to David's voice upstairs calling my name. I tried to scream, "I'm down here !" but my throat had become dried out from the gag which had absorbed all my spit. I kept trying to call out, "down here !!". I heard him in the kitchen. The basement door is in the kitchen. I called out again, "DOWN HERE !". He finally heard my muffled call. I heard his boots clomping down the stairs. He stood beside me laughing ! "Get me out of this !", I yelled. "Why ? I like seeing you like this...". He flicked the clothespins that were torturing my tits, I screamed again, "Get me out of this, please sir, get me out of this..." He turned away. I heard him begin his ascent up the stairs. I screamed again. He came back to tell me he couldn't find the keys and that he had to go get the spares. He at least removed the blindfold. "Take a deep breath", he said. He removed the clothespin from the right tit, the more sensitive of the two. I screamed and bucked as the blood rushed back into it. "Okay, take another deep breath." He removed the clothespin on the left tit. Once again I screamed and then began to sob. "I'll be back in a few minutes with the spare keys." He hurried up the stairs to find the keys.

He helped me crawl off the gurney. I was weak and in a state of self ruin. He asked, "How long were down like this ?". I answered, "Ten this morning...I'm going to kill that damn cat !".

David followed closely behind as I climbed the stairs in case I lost my balance.

I took a long hot shower which chased away the chill caused by immobility. I dried off then crawled between the flannel sheets. David came back upstairs again to talk to me. "I found the keys under the workbench in the tool room".

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT CAT TOMORROW !"

I fell asleep as David rubbed my back.

I know that even after the horrible experience yesterday that I'll do it again. I haven't killed the cat yet and probably won't. He's sitting watching me as I write this.

Secretly, deep in my nuts, I hope something goes wrong again... In retrospect, it was a hot experience.

Before David left for the office this morning he told me that he was going to punish me for being careless and not closing the dungeon door which would have kept the cat out. I guess that I have an ass burning from his rubber prison strap to look forward to tonight.