Part 2
Darkness enveloped Juliette in more ways than one. The sensory deprivation hood locked on by her own hand provided the literal darkness. But there was a deeper, purer ichor at her core. The blackness that consumed her soul. The melancholy of the past decade blending with the yawning maw of excitement and fear for what lay ahead tonight.
This was the ultimate moment of truth. Eleven years of planning. Eleven years of plotting and hard work to lead to this moment. Eleven years of painful misery fashioned by her across two entwined souls. She dreaded and yearned for this moment. Either her plan succeeded tonight and she could begin to atone for the anguish she created for the woman she so dearly loved, or it failed and she still atoned in a very different way. At this point, having bound herself and locked her restraints on, she had no other option than to await whatever outcome came from her labors. Wait here in a sex shop dressing room. It was beyond absurd, the rational part of her mind reminded her. Don’t overthink this, just embrace it, the irrational side of her brain countered.
One thing Juliette was good at was overthinking. Left in darkness and quiet, her mind had nothing to do but work overtime. She had considered a range of possibilities for this, the night her multi-year plan came to fruition. She hoped it would be the moment her confessions opened the door to mending the one relationship that mattered to her. That Atty would read her sincerely written words, and seeing her utter supplication to Athena, be touched enough to let Jules back in, even if only a little. A starting point to begin what would need to be a long and arduous trek of penitence for how she failed that perfect gothic angel.
Of course, that was one of the least possible outcomes. She knew, regrettably, that her hoped for solution would almost certainly not be the actual one. Atty could simply see the obscenely bound Juliette and turn around to leave her bound in the tiny dressing room until another employee arrived and found her. It would be agony to wait until the store reopened, restrained like this, but it would be a pitifully small penance for her sins. Then again Atty might just call the police on this psychopath that had bound herself up in the store. That would make headlines. Up and coming star CEO arrested for lurid display in sex shop. At least it would disgrace the vaunted Monroe name, she thought bittersweetly. It would be little solace though. It wouldn’t be enough reparation for what she owed Atty after all these years.
Then again, an irate and pained Athena might just take advantage of the opportunity to extract her own vengeance from Jules’s corporeal form. She could beat and torture Juliette to the point of unconsciousness or even death, and there was nothing she would be able to do to stop her. What was worse was that the solemn beauty would be in her rights to execute that particular revenge. Jules had no doubts she had been, and continued to be, the monster in this story. The villain. Not some damsel in distress or unfortunate bystander. She was the maestro that had orchestrated so much pain, even if unintended. Tears seeped into the leather hood.
Juliette reminded herself she had no right to pity or sadness. She was not the victim here. The lovely morose writer working herself to the bone to satisfy the lustful desires of random strangers just outside the flimsy fitting room door was the injured party. Such a graceful soul forged in pain, loss, and suffering. A soul far more deserving of happiness than a leather clad red-haired demon, Jules thought to herself.
The tumult of emotions rocked the bound woman. Her body, despite her practice and athleticism, ached everywhere. Her nipples throbbed from the clamps. Each breath reminded her of the weights dangling from them. Her jaw distended by the green silicone orb wedged there, the edge of her mouth pinched by the leather holding the ball in. Her folded, agonizing knees screamed for relief and a slight tingle indicating they were falling asleep, her chin unable to droop thanks to the posture collar. She fidgeted in her restraints, nothing to do but wait and think, think and wait. Long-lost memories of happier times blurring with the stained ones of her own guilt. A tormented physical and mental existence. A hard-earned suffering.
Eventually, despite the muffling of the leather hood, Juliette heard someone. No, there was no mistake it was Atty, speaking from immediately outside the room. The exact words were too difficult to fully understand, but she could ascertain their tone. A growing concern. Sorry once more to distress you, my love, Jules thought. Then sudden silence. Jules couldn’t quite explain it, but she could feel Atty’s presence near her, the pointed gaze of those sapphire eyes. Athena wasn’t speaking. She must be surprised seeing Juliette kneeling here adorned in not but green leather. Jules made no effort to speak. It would only be a garbled mess. Everything she had ever wanted to say was written on the pages placed nearby.
Would she even read them? Jules wondered.
Jules steadied her breathing, focusing on her inhales and exhales. It was maddening the silence paired with the blindness. It made it impossible to gauge Atty’s response. Was her face contorted in anger, or perhaps curiosity? Why hadn’t she said anything yet? The wait was hellish. But I deserve this hell, she reminded herself. Then she thought she heard a few faint sounds. Was that the sound of keys jingling, of someone sitting? Or was she just fabricating those noises in her unraveling anticipation?
Straining to hear, Jules could swear she heard the occasional shuffle of paper. In an instant, Juliette’s heart both swelled and screamed. Athena was finally seeing that same heart laid bare in Atty’s own language, the language of prose. What will she think? Will it incense her? Will her loathing for me intensify? Will she give me the chance to right this? To make her dreams come true? So many questions beat against the confines of Juliette’s mind.
Then an outcome considered, but likely the most feared, came to pass. Hard, painful sobs echoed in the tiny room. Athena was crying uncontrollably. Jules froze for a moment, a pit dropping in her. Again, she was causing anguish to the woman she cherished. Jules couldn’t take the thought. She needed to do something. She started trying to scream past the exquisite turned wretched gag. She wanted to soothe Atty’s pain. She tried to reassure the beautiful goth that it was okay, that she needn’t cry. That she was here. The words clattered against each other in her mouth, jumbling and turned to nonsense by the gag.
She needed to abate those suffering sobs. How though? Her legs were cuffed together, and her arms were in an armbinder. This had been such a terrible idea. This wasn’t the way to make up for all those absent years, she chastised herself. Nothing to do now, but find some way to comfort Athena. The garbled reassurances continued as Jules grunted and strained to rise from her kneeling position.
Her toned body was doing its best to match her mind’s commands. As she miraculously began to rise to her feet, her core taut and legs flexing, she became aware too late how asleep her legs had become. The tingly limbs gave under her weight. The nipple weights twirled painfully with sudden shifting motions. Her leather sheathed arms useless to arrest her fall as she toppled forward. Her shoulder took the brunt of the fall, and it hurt. She grunted into the gag. She wanted to cry, not from the physical pain, but the mental suffering, knowing she had distressed Athena yet again with this stupid, childishly convoluted plan, and she couldn’t reach her now because of her self-inflicted bondage.
Suddenly, gentle arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a soft, familiar, though long missed, embrace. She felt a delicate hand stroke her leather-bound cheek, the dulcet tones of Athena’s voice telling her that “It’ll be okay.” A surprisingly effective soothing refrain. Nestled against the only woman she could ever love, Juliette’s mind steadied. She still wanted frantically to take Athena’s pain, but this was too long a desired feeling. She lost herself for a moment in the sensations. The press of arms about her. The cadence of rapid heartbeats. The scent of lavender mixed with sweat. She had long luxuriated in the fantasy of an instance like this, but the reality was so much better. After an all too short of a time, the wondrous embrace and words came to an unwanted close as Athena set Jules back in a seated position. The weighted clamps swung, making her wince into her gag once more.
The words that had quieted for a moment surged back to Juliette’s lips. She tried to simply utter an apology, but the bulging ball gag denied her. She would have kept trying to utter something, even unintelligible, but a soft finger graced her lips alongside a simple shushing from her Atty. Jules gulped hard and felt her cheeks redden at the action. The finger upon her lips, such an intimate touch, would have silenced her even without further instruction. Athena explained she would be undoing the ball gag, and that they had a lot to discuss. As she felt the gag being worked free from her mouth, Jules felt a new panic inside her. What would she actually say? What would make everything right? Nothing likely. Her nerves were exploding, and she feared taking the next step, a feeling she had felt so often lately…
Several Weeks earlier…
It was late, and Juliette really should be in bed resting ahead of her morning video meeting with Ms. Arasaka and her team. They were in the final stages of signing a lucrative deal that would net Juliette’s company a respectable $34 million. Her company was established now, but still modest in size, so the deal would be a major boon to them. Yet, despite this impending important meeting, the young executive could only think of one thing. Another meeting of sorts. Tonight was a major milestone in a long-planned strategy, but this one wasn’t professional but personal. Her hands tightened on the steering wheel of her Subaru until her knuckles went white. This shouldn’t be so hard, she thought. After all, she had built a multi-million dollar company before the age of 30. But that seemed so pedestrian to what she would do tonight.
She would finally be seeing and speaking to the angelic person her world actually revolved around. Everything Jules had done for more than a decade had been leading to this moment, to this chance to begin a new life with the woman she had always known to be her soulmate, her everything. She knew her obsession with Athena was probably unrealistic and unhealthy. Every day, and she meant every day, the black clad princess of her youth had consumed Juliette’s mind. She often wondered what Athena was doing, what she was thinking, how she felt.
I’m a stalker, Jules snorted to herself. It was half-joke, half-serious. After all, looking at her actions, it would be easy to classify her actions as such. Despite not speaking to Atty in years, she had kept close tabs on her, going as far as to hire private investigators from time to time to snoop on the woman she loved. Yep, I’m a stalker, she realized. Just another thing to add to my litany of evils. Further, proof I’m an awful monstrosity in the umbra of her shadowy radiance. But she was drawn to Athena, and wanted so desperately to find a way to help Atty realize the dreams and happiness she so deserved.
The thought of interacting with Athena again set her heart a light with yearning but also trepidation. She was nervous about taking this next step in the plan. After 11 years of charting and orchestrating events, it could all end tonight. Atty was as likely to scream at the first sight of her, this specter of their shared naïve promises in youth. She might just punch me. Jules smirked to herself under the flickering lights of this quiet parking lot. I’d deserve that and much, and much more. Hope held though that things would go according to plan, as they usually did for Jules, and tonight would begin the glacial process of reconnecting with the woman who represented Juliette’s better half. All so that one day Jules could perhaps make good on her oath to make Athena happy.
Juliette banged her head lightly on the steering wheel before looking up just in time to see an elderly man shuffling from the sex store with what one might call rapidity for such an advanced age. He was headed towards one of the few other cars in the dark lot. Juliette let a small laugh out, “At least someone looks to be confident in seeking what they want.” She closed her eyes, knuckles whiting once more before relaxing as she cycled through a series of combat breathing to calm her frenzied mind, a technique she used often to calm her nerves. Each long inhale and exhale helped her return to the clarity of her crusade of the past decade. When she finished, the exercise left her calmer, though maybe not completely so.
She stepped out into the cool night air with renewed confidence all the same. Even if this failed in a flaming wreck, she had to try. “For Athena,” she whispered to herself, the guided mantra of her life. She fiddled with her hair to make sure it looked unmatted after the extended time in the car. She pressed down on her outfit. She wanted to look her absolute best for seeing Athena for the first time in so long. She wore one of the most expensive but tasteful business suits she owned. A small fortune of fabric, to be frank.
She could have easily changed into something less, but Atty deserved her best. The only thing of doubt had been the makeup for tonight. She knew Athena had always adored her freckles, but in the end, Juliette felt going without makeup might be too suspicious. Athena knew her well enough to potentially suss out the larger plot afoot off of the small details.
Athena squared her shoulders and lifted her chin, an act so often taken to convey a posture of confidence in business meetings and other public spaces. It was second nature. She strode briskly to the store’s entrance. With each high heeled step clicking on asphalt, she rehearsed the plan for tonight. Keep yourself aloof. Avoid immediate eye contact. You don’t want her knowing you know she works here. Look for where the fetish section is. It should be in the back right of the store, but make it seem like you weren’t sure, to sell this as all happenstance. Purchase a set of cuffs to let her know you are into the same kinky things she is. Then get out without getting entangled.
Her hand gripped the door, and with a final heavy inhale, she plunged into the sex boutique. It was actually a nicely designed and laid out space, but the real beauty here was the shadowy one behind the counter at the periphery of her vision. Despite reciting her plan all day, Jules nearly leered at Atty. She so desperately wanted to, but managed to somehow restrain herself. She let her eyes wander for a few seconds before locking onto the area of the store, dominated by leather and steel.
It didn’t actually take long for Jules to find the set of designer cuffs she had seen on her previous reconnaissance of the store on a day she knew Athena wouldn’t be working thanks to her investigators. Creeper, she reminded herself. She gave it some time to keep appearances, but she eventually made her way towards Athena, box in hand. Each step felt heavier than the last. The weight of expectation, of finally drawing this close to Atty, pushing down on her. She managed to somehow keep the façade of confident indifference up.
It was so very hard though as she slowly drew towards the black clad woman she had shared so much with as a child. She could already see the turmoil Athena was also experiencing in this moment. Anger, disdain, shock, fear, sadness, and perhaps a glimmer of hope, all displayed by her gothic queen. She never could keep her emotions in check, Juliette remembered warmly. It was comforting to see that hadn’t changed. It gave a certain reassurance to Jules that Athena was still her Athena. The soul who loved tragedy, who would stand alone if necessary to do what was right, but who also was soft and sweet at her core. A delicate thing masquerading as black steel.
She could see the clenched jaw, the grinding of teeth, the narrowing of Athena’s eyes, her ever familiar war face. Atty was ready for a battle. It pained Juliette to know that her mere approach would do this to Athena, but it was expected. Juliette, with the practiced skill of 28 years of wearing masks to the world, kept her own fear and sadness hidden beneath an unwavering exterior. It hurt more than anything to use this mask once more on Athena, but she needed to keep the plan on track. Remember the end goal.
Then their eyes met. Deep blue and lush green. The anger and wrath seething in Athena seemed to quiet for a moment. Sadness, longing, and a faint glint of distant happiness pressing to the fore. For the most effervescent instant, Jules felt her practiced façade crumble, too. Her own intense longing and love for Athena surging into a glimmer in her own eyes. But soon it passed, and the two went through the motions of their roles, consumer and seller.
Even so, Jules could see the constant emotional war inside Athena as she tried to remain professional. The signs of anger were mingled now though with other more promising signs. Athena’s eyes darted constantly to Juliette’s lips, her eyes, her hair with a longing and yearning. Her sapphire eyes, full of sadness and bittersweet nostalgia. Jules wanted to wrap her arms around Athena. To confess the whole contrived scheme she had designed. How she wanted to steal that pain away and replace it with the love she felt. Yet, she didn’t. She finished the transaction, but feeling the need to give something to her love, she parted with acknowledgment of their shared past, calling Athena by the pet name that only she had ever used, “Atty.”
To Juliette’s delight, this had sent shock spreading across Athena’s features and a flicker of old familiar emotions. She turned quickly and walked back out to her car. By the time she once more sat in her modest vehicle, Juliette was giddy. She’d made contact once more, and it hadn’t turned into a complete dumpster fire. There was still hope her plan could succeed. That maybe, just maybe, she could bring happiness to the one good person in this rotted reality.
…
“Fuck!” Juliette hit her hand against the steering wheel painfully. She was crying, and crying ugly in her car. Tonight had started out so well. She’d shown up in her workout attire to show a more relaxed, and hopefully sexier, side of herself for her second meeting with Athena. And by the hungry looks Atty had given her, the way those eyes lingered on her legs, her stomach, her shoulders, and more fun places, it had indeed had some of the disarming and enticing effect she’d intended.
And oh god how Athena had matched her gambit with her own. Her goth seraphim had been resplendent in her regalia. Nail polish and hair raven black and immaculate. The brutalist spiked choker and combat boots contrasting with the flowing feminine black lacy dress. Those brilliant blue eyes framed by inky black shadow and eyeliner. Her Atty at her best. Juliette had nearly doubled over at the sight. It had been her downfall all the same. It had evoked so many memories.
Chief among them the memory of the ninth-grade dance they had attended together. It was a remarkably similar outfit by Athena then and now. Juliette had turned down a number of suitors, including a few creepy but popular upper classmen, back then to go with her Atty. It had taken some convincing, but Jules had been elated when her plan paid off. Juliette had long known she loved Athena romantically, but by that point it was also obvious, Athena, oblivious to Juliette’s feelings, was trying to express her own more recent, at the time, attraction to Juliette.
Hoping in the naïve way teenagers hope, Jules had concocted the absurd idea that if they went to the dance together as friends Athena might, during one of the slower, more intimate dances finally express her feelings to Jules. The younger version of herself had even dreamt that by night’s end the two of them would be kissing and professing their deepest desires. It hadn’t quite gone that way. There had been flashes. Moments where Jules had seen Athena on the verge of the confession, or times when Athena leaned in almost as if to plant a kiss with her blackened lips, to only pull away.
Perhaps, given a full night to work, Juliette’s plot might have succeeded, but after only a couple hours Juliette’s parents stormed in. Her older sister tattling on her having gone with Athena despite her parents forbidding it. They had obviously picked up on Juliette’s attraction, not only to the fairer sex, but Athena specifically. Hence why the teenage duo had to rely that night on Athena’s mother, Tiffany, to take them to the dance despite her chronic pain from the illness.
While selecting the ball gag she had planned to purchase on the night, the memory of how kind and understanding Mrs. Blake had always been stuck with Jules. So when she went to make her purchase from Athena, she had abandoned the planned small talk, and instead asked about how Tiffany was doing. It had been an impetuous, selfish decision to quiet her own heart. She should have stuck to the plan. Athena had turned from conflicted, but receptive, to instantly cold.
This is why you stick to the plan, Juliette admonished herself. Tears streaking down her face. How could you be so foolish to bring up something so personal so soon? She could only pray that it wasn’t a catastrophic failure. How am I going to work back from this? So many years to make one small misstep and put it all in jeopardy. She’d have to rethink things, to move more cautiously and chart the right course to undo this mess. Her mind, still bemoaning the stupid deviation from her plan, began simultaneously thinking about the best way to get back on track. A few different potential avenues started revealing themselves as she pulled out of the parking lot.
…
Juliette stood mostly nude in the small art studio she had in the back of her spacious house. It had seen little art over the years. Until recently, she hadn’t actually completed a piece since college. She had told herself for years that was because she was simply too busy, but that had been a lie. Proven so by the four pieces now sitting finished against the far wall. Over the last several weeks, she had found inspiration like she hadn’t felt since she was a teenager. And the source of that was all too obvious, one Athena Blake, gloomy and perfect.
Despite nearly bungling her whole plan by asking about Atty’s mother on only the second visit, Juliette had managed to recover. Her way back had been bringing up one of Athena’s novels. In the many weeks since then, they had settled into a routine of sorts, with Athena slowly warming with each passing visit as they made casual conversation and reminisced about the past. She’d even been able to get a few precious smiles and laughs from those black painted lips. Jules smiled. She looked over at one of the pieces she had painted recently. At its center were warm colors slowly fading to darkness at the edges. It was a rather simplistic representation of her own emotional state each time she witnessed an elusive moment of true gaiety from her fallen angel.
Shaking her head, she turned away from the artwork to her real purpose on the night. It was rehearsal night. She had a clear vision of how she would confess her love and sins to Athena. It had been one of the first firm things to coalesce when she drafted her plan eleven years ago. When that confession was made, it would be in Athena’s beloved written word while Juliette kneeled in inescapable bondage awaiting the judgement of her umbral archangel. And she didn’t want some half assed presentation in handcuffs.
No, Athena deserved real true submission and a spectacle worthy of her sorrowful divinity. Most of the items to be used in this quest had been purchased at the sex store Atty worked at, so when that moment of confession arrived, it would be clear this was all part of a plan for Athena. The only item that was purchased separately was the one Jules was staring at now. It was a custom ordered green leather monoglove armbinder designed so that it could be zipped up and secured relatively easily by the person wearing it. Once the zipper hit a certain point, a small mechanism would prevent it from being undone without the proper leverage, and proper leverage required either another person or a specialized hook like the one affixed to a wall of the art studio.
The truth was, her personal art studio had seen more kinky use than artistic since moving in. Years ago, Juliette, after realizing Athena was into bondage, had tried it herself and fallen in love with it. She loved the feeling of rope or leather holding her tight, especially because it reminded her of Atty. In a way over the years, the self-bondage sessions had taken on a sort of religious connotation for her. Rituals meant to draw her, in some small way, closer to her Athena.
As Juliette donned and secured the armbinder by using the wall to push the zipper up into place, she couldn’t help letting out a moan and wishing Athena were here with her. Maybe soon she dreamed. Checking to make sure she could indeed not dislodge the zipper by other means, Jules turned and walked in her underwear to where she could kneel and use the special wall mounted spike to unlock the restraint.
As she carefully positioned herself for what felt the hundredth time beneath the tool, she smiled a small embarrassed smirk laced with guilt. From this position, she could see the vibrating egg that had rolled away and disappeared during her last session with Mistress Kara. She’d been seeing Mistress Kara for several years now, and until recently, it had never made her feel guilty or embarrassed. Sure, she had hidden her hiring of a professional dominatrix to prevent scandal, but the activities themselves were nothing she felt embarrassed or guilty about. Now, though, spending time close to Athena, it felt like she was cheating on her, even though they were barely on speaking terms.
The weirdest part was that Jules had mostly sought out Mistress Kara’s services because of Athena. Knowing Atty to be a switch from the not-so-subtle hints when they were first experiencing their sexual awakenings as young women, meant if all went according to plan and they became lovers later in life, Juliette wanted to know what she was doing as a top or as a sub. Athena deserved the best. And that’s how it had started with a discreet and highly professional dominatrix.
She had learned so much from Mistress Kara and wanted so badly to demonstrate that for the one person Juliette truly wanted to show. Of course, Juliette wasn’t completely blind to her own desires. Since she couldn’t have Athena dominating her, at least not yet, a skilled professional was the next logical choice. So twice a month, Mistress Kara made late night visits to Juliette’s house under the anonymity of darkness to both sate Jules’s needs and to teach her everything she needed to know about BDSM.
The hook finally snagged the zipper element. Rising and pulling away from the wall, Juliette set herself free. She had everything she needed, had practiced with every item. Things had been going well. Perhaps it was time to make the confession, she thought, wandering into the kitchen. Sitting there was an arrangement of perfect white lilies. She had been ordering the same white lily arrangement for weeks in case she needed it as her plans progressed. Her plan had called for a longer period of warming relations, but Juliette was also willing, perhaps eager, was the better word, to move schedules up if it seemed right. Perusing the floral arrangement, she plucked one perfect lily. A sign, perhaps? She wondered. A smile spread, she looked to the lily in her hand, “Tomorrow, my little friend, we make our move.”
Present day…
It took a few tries on both, but Athena had unlocked and removed both the damn ball gag and the leather hood. Fuck, a part of her had wanted to leave them on. They had looked so good on Juliette. No Jules. After reading the note, there was no doubt that the woman kneeling here now in front of her wasn’t the bitch Juliette, a person who probably had never really existed if Athena was being truthful. This woman was her Jules. But that wasn’t true either. This wasn’t that sweet young woman either. She had lied and been the source of so much anguish. That wasn’t undone by noble intentions or an over-the-top play at an apology. Too much had happened and neither of them were the exact same people from those innocent days. Fucking hell, what am I supposed to make of this?
The goth was squatting in front of a kneeling Jules. Both of their eyes were puffy and red. She was unsure how she felt or how she should. They had been staring at each other for a while, and neither seemed inclined to speak yet. Fuck! What do I even do at this point? Athena thought. She was still angry, still hurt, but she also couldn’t deny the fucked up beauty of the misguided gesture that had unfolded tonight. It was a convoluted plan, a real fucking Jules style plan. Her life had been turned upside down in an instant. Fucking hell, Jules. How do you get inside me like this?
Athena still wasn’t sure what to say or do now. Finally, though, it was Jules that spoke. “Atty… I… I know it is so pitifully little, but I am sorry…for everything, including this stupid gesture tonight.” The goth remained silent, studying the red-haired woman’s face. It wasn’t the same as her memory of younger Jules, but it was also was that same Jules. The way her voice trembled, the pain in those emerald eyes. Fuck, I should just walk out and call the cops on this lunatic, so why am I entertaining the thoughts I am then? Athena asked herself.
Jules wasn’t done speaking. After a few quiet moments, she spoke again, “Atty, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The redhead paused a moment, shaking her head. “No, that’s not true. I knew my actions would cause pain, but at the end of the day I thought I could make you happiest with the least pain by following my stupid plan. I-I just want you to find what makes you happy, even if it’s not me who brings it.” Tears were welling again, distorting those beautiful green eyes.
Athena started speaking without fully realizing it. “You know, for someone so smart, you really are an idiot, Jules. I didn’t need a perfect dream life where all my needs were catered to. I didn’t need a fancy home. I’m not a fucking damsel in distress in need of your benevolence!” Athena didn’t mean to be yelling, or did she? She just needed Jules, the real Jules, to hear her right now. She didn’t even know where she was going with all of this, but she needed Jules to hear it. “I only needed one thing back then. You, you goddamn idiot. But no, Juliette Monroe is too fucking clever, too fucking brilliant. She had to concoct a plan so goddamn insane only her fucked up brain could conceive it.” Why am I saying these things? Athena thought. And why am I about to cry again?
“Instead of being there for me in my moment of need, you walled me out! For what? A fucking prepubescent dream future that might or might not have come to pass. I needed my other half, Jules!” The bound woman’s face had furrowed in the way it had when they were kids. It was the same pained look from when Jules had told her that her parents had banned Athena from their home. It was raw and genuine agony. It was a dagger to Athena’s heart, even now in her rage. But she couldn’t stop herself now. More than a decade of anger, sadness, and sorrow was screaming forth.
“Life isn’t fair. I know. Fuck, do I know.” She was out of breath. She shuddered as she took a long inhale to finish wherever this tirade was going. “But one thing growing up with the hand I was dealt is that I learned an important lesson. Anything can be endured when you have people you love there with you.” Flashes of the night Ethan died played in her mind. How grateful she had been to have Jules hold her then. How her family had rallied in the following weeks to support one another. “That’s all I needed, you. But did you stop to ask me what I needed? NO! you decided for the both of us! Fuck!” Athena finally came to the stilted end of her rant. At some point, she had started crying. She fell back out of her squat. Her hands were pulling her knees to her like she was a teenager crying in her room again. I’m so fucking weak still.
They sat there, only a few inches separating them. Both crushed and crying. Eventually, Athena’s sobs slowed, her tears ended. Not because she wanted them to, but because her body simply couldn’t keep it up. She looked over to Jules. The bound woman had slumped down. Her usual immaculate posture, gone. Her face, covered by a bedraggled mess of fiery hair, was down turned to the carpeted floor. Regret pierced Athena’s heart. Why does it hurt so much to see her this shattered? Isn’t it what she deserves?
Athena felt one of her hands rise and reach out, quivering towards Jules. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do or why she was doing it, but she needed to soothe the other woman despite it all. Am I really this weak? Her fingers had nearly reached the broken form of her other half, her Jules, when a quivering voice spoke.
…
Juliette sat body aching from the self-inflicted bondage, but it was a hollow distant thing. The suffering she felt now was an emotional one. She’d known Atty would likely hate her and might make that abundantly clear tonight. She had prepared herself mentally for that, but the reality was so much worse. Athena had gone on one of her passionate speeches. In their youth, Jules had admired Athena for being able to speak that way to any and everyone. This was the first time in her life, though, that she had been on the receiving end. Sure, they had fought when they were friends, but Atty had never gone full force on her. It was painful on so many levels.
The worst part was the truth of those words. Juliette had always had a tendency to focus on her plans. Once they crystalized in her mind, she made them real, no matter the consequences. It was a singular focus that could and did drive her to great success, but now it was her Achilles. Athena, in a single speech, had laid bare the greatest flaw in her masterpiece. She’d never talked to Atty about what she wanted. Jules had just made assumptions, assured in her knowledge of what needed to happen. Such a simple and glaring error. Good job Jules, all this plotting and meticulous preparation to be undone with one sentence. She didn’t deserve to be here before her angel.
Looking back, it made so much sense. Why would Atty care about having a cushy life? She’d never needed it when they were young. A horrible realization consumed Jules now. She’d inflicted so much suffering for no reason, and worse, she had denied the happiness of the one person she was trying to make happy. Has this scheme just been a selfish exercise? No wonder she hates me. Juliette was defeated. She had long ago lost her Atty, her gothic seraph, but only realized it now. And it had all been her fault, her hubris. Nothing now, but to face the music. To bring this foolish, childish chapter of their lives to a close. To liberate her beloved from the burden she was. To let her go on and be happy without her.
Her throat was dry as she tried to utter the words she now needed to say. Her tongue resisting her. Through the physical rebellion she pressed onward. “A-Athena, you…you’re right. I should have. I see that um now. I’m…I…I can see why you would hate me so, so completely. I know it means nothing now, but I am so very sorry. I betrayed the one good person I knew, and in a way I didn’t even see until now.” She let out a small snort. “I am an idiot. I suppose this will be…” The next word was so hard to wrap her mouth around, worse than any gag she’d ever endured for sure. “This will be g-goodbye then. I hope your hate of me brings you some solace.”
It was done. Another careful but flawed plan dashed at the end. Maybe though Atty could move on. Find the happiness Juliette couldn’t give her. She sat numbly, awaiting to be set free. To make the walk of shame back to her car. To cast herself out with finality from Atty’s life. She was faintly aware as Athena stood. Whatever words came next would be deserved.
“You really are an idiot. I don’t hate you.” Juliette’s mind tried to process those words as Athena sighed. “I am angry and frustrated, but I don’t hate you.” Jules looked up now to Athena. Her face was thoughtful, pensive even. “I don’t know, honestly, what we are now. I doubt there is anything such as soulmates or fate, but, as much as I’d like to deny it, sitting here full of fury the only thing I know for certain is that I, uh, well, I know I love you.” Athena looked her in the eye as Juliette tried to reconcile the words falling like rain upon her broken mind.
“I could try to lie, and say I don’t. Maybe I could even gaslight myself into believing it again. Starve and deny myself the potential happiness of those three little words, But I can’t fucking do that to you Jules. I couldn’t live with that, so I guess we keep talking and see where things go.”
Juliette was speechless. Seemingly unsure of what should come next. Atty must have been nervous to let the silence linger as she soon spoke again, “Fuck, for once Juliette Monroe doesn’t have a response?” Somehow, a laugh escaped both of their mouths in unison. Juliette was about to say something, when Athena surprised her again. In a blur of enchanting gothic shadow, Atty wrapped her soft arms around Jules. Delicate hands pulling the redhead against black cloth that smelt of lavender. “I missed you, you fucking idiot.”
“Same.” Jules sobbed. Pain shot through her nipples from the clamps as Athena pulled her closer. She didn’t care. She was whole for the first time in more than a decade. The embrace lasted a small, perfect eternity.
Atty whispered, her breath warm and welcome on Juliette’s ear, shocking playfulness to her tone. “You know I was right about something else.”
“What’s that?” Juliette asked, genuinely curious what crazed thing might usher from Atty’s lips this time.
“You do look good in green.”
Blushing, and between heaving laughter, the bound redhead asked, “Seriously? That’s what you say after everything?” Here was Atty, with her trademark timing, finding a way to pull amusement from her. “So, should I keep it on, or are you going to let me out now?” It seemed so silly to still be bound in leather as everything unfolded.
Athena pulled back, a sly look in her eyes. “I mean, you went to all this effort for me, right?”
“Sure,” Juliette answered, suspicious of Atty’s intentions. A bewildering heat rising among the tumultuous storm of emotions rocking her.
“Well, who am I to refuse such a fun gift from my love?”
“Really Athena? You want to play after everything?” Her words were meant to sound incredulous, but the waver in them gave away a lingering hope that Atty wasn’t toying with her.
“I mean, maybe. I need a few minutes to clear my head, and come back at this with a sounder mind. Plus, I do need to clean the shop.” The last words were delivered with a smirk.
“I wouldn’t want to interrupt your work.” Juliette responded with a little humor herself.
“Good, it’s settled then. You rest here, my dear. Wait, is it too soon to call you that?” Athena had a mocking look of feigned contemplation on her face. She was having too much fun suddenly; Juliette smiled to herself. “Never mind that. Let’s get you laced back up.”
The gothic beauty soon had the green leather hood in hand. Before she could return it though, Juliette decided she wanted, no, needed, one thing. “Wait, Atty, can we…” she trailed off.
Athena leaned in close, so damn close. “You want a kiss? Don’t you?”
Juliette nodded. And for a moment Athena’s smirk made her think she would just be teased, but instead those black lips locked with her own and the world, the worry, the pain fell away. A moment long dreamt, realized. The two leaned into it in requited passion.
After too short a time, Athena pulled back, and the smirk returned. “Okay, that’s enough for now.” And she started the process of returning the hood. The leather felt wonderful against skin, doubly so now that Atty was placing it on her. Soon her vision and hearing faded. She luxuriated in each pull as Athena laced the hood up tightly. A sharp click of a padlock sending a shiver down her neck. “Open up.” Juliette did as bid without hesitation. Submission to Athena felt so right. The large ball gag sunk back in place with another shiver inducing lock clicking in place.
A muffled “Love you” reached Juliette’s ears. Before she could offer up her own garbled response, she felt lips wrap around the bulging gag, grazing her own lips in an awkward kiss. “Be back soon.” Juliette heard the door to the changing room shut. She was back, more or less, to where she was earlier in the night, but everything had changed. She wasn’t sure what to expect for them. A thought that should terrify her, but knowing it would be with Athena, took any fear away. She smiled.