© Copyright 2016 - ElectroPainLover - Used by permission
Storycodes: Sbm; cuffs; chain; waistbelt; gag; spreadeagle; tens; electro; sound; insert; nipple; torment; pain; climax; stuck; true; cons; X
A message from the author:
This is a true story of a narrow escape from one of my electro-torture self-bondage sessions that seemed to go tits-up without me realizing it until well into the session, and it was too late.
If you are a novice at the practices of self-bondage, please, please, please, read up on all the ways things can go wrong, and heed all the warnings and advice afforded by more experienced self-bondage practitioners. It may seem stupid, unnecessary, over-cautious, less fun, less exciting…what have you…but experience is usually gained by screwing up at one time or another and learning from those mistake.
That is what this story is about.
Granted, the story will involve practices that I, myself did and still do, that I would NEVER recommend to anybody else. I have probably been very lucky while engaging in some of them, as I am still here and typing about this misadventure; but, please be extremely cautious when practicing any form of extreme self-bondage and/or risky torture.
My peccadillo which I have seen too many warnings about, but, still practice, is electrical stimulation above the waist.
Most people do not understand that it only takes six-milliamps of electricity across the heart to cause it to defibrillate and possibly enter cardiac arrest. A standard cell phone battery is around 3,000 milliamps per hour. Other power devices have much, much more. When’s the last time you felt a shock from a cell phone battery?
Many people will say that they have been shocked by standard current; which, here in the USA is typically 115 volts @ 15 amps; and I am not dead. I have been too, nor, am I dead either. Did you reach into water when you got shocked by standard AC? Probably not. Under most conditions, reaching into a basin of water to retrieve an electrical appliance that fell in will, more likely than not, result in death. Hence GFCI outlets in your bathrooms, kitchens, or any other wet locations.
I am probably flirting with the devil in my play. Please do not do it because you read a story by ElectroPainLover that talks about it or because I do it.
DO NOT USE ELECTRICAL STIMULATION ABOVE YOUR WAIST!!!
I have been fascinated with bondage from a very young age. I remember being quite young…probably seven or eight…when I noticed the first odd feelings I felt when seeing someone tied up in one fashion or another. Today, I enjoy seeing women in tight bondage when using visual gratification during my own bondage sessions. If I did have someone to enjoy bondage with, it would have to be a woman.
But, back then, it could be anybody.
I began to tie myself up about the age of nine. I would do it in my bedroom either at night or when I happened to be home by myself.
I have been caught, only once, by my little sister when I was probably about ten. She was mortified, I was embarrassed.
Anyway, I practiced self-bondage since a very young age, well before I ever knew what the feelings that it arose in me when I was tied, were even about. Though, I did not progress from beginner until decades later, years after the incident I am about to tell about.
Let me begin by formulating a brief picture by description of myself, mainly for the ladies whom may find this self-bondage autobiography or ‘bondography’ hopefully a bit exciting, but to help build an image to place in the predicament.
I am not strapping. I am not tall. I am not dark-haired. Sorry Ladies. I am 5’ 6” and at one time I had very thick red hair. It has dramatically thinned and I now shave my head. I am of a stocky-build. I used to be very much into weight-lifting and Muay Thai Kickboxing. My max-lift bench-press was 365 lbs. and I had attained a brown-belt in my practiced art before leaving it behind for the military. My stomach is not as flat as it once had been but I can still see my flaccid penis with my back straight against the wall. My pubic hair…when I have it…still proves that I am a red-head. I am not well-hung but I haven’t had any of my girl-friends nor my ex laugh when they had seen it for the first time either. I would say I am of a medium build but use large condoms when the need arises. Depending on the brand, some fit great and some are a bit loose. My eyes are blue, though far from those of “’Ol Blue Eyes”. Mine are steel-blue. To look at me, I am undoubtedly of Irish decent. I know it’s a somewhat vague description but it gives you the basics to work with. Imagine me to look like what you wish if it makes the story more interesting.
Being bored with self-bondage rope-ties that I was sure to be able to escape, I wanted to move into the world of unescapable bondage, though, it was not necessarily stricter bondage. Rope bondage is much more-strict than cuffs and steel; as rope can be wrapped tighter and many more times around a limb without the risk of nerve-damage than steel restraints. Rope can be used to restrict movement much more than most forms of mechanical restraints. If rope is used by a Top to tie a Bottom, chances are there is no way in hell the Bottom is getting loose from the bonds, and, more-than-likely, cannot move much either. With that said, that kind of self-rope-bondage is pretty damned difficult to tie and escape from in self-bondage when it is time to release yourself.
So, I decided to move from my easily escapable rope ties to the inescapable world of leather restraints and chain bindings (though, if they were truly inescapable, I would not be here and writing this for you. I escaped, but at a cost).
I purchased my chain at a big-box hardware store and ordered my restraints from an online BDSM store.
I ordered thick, heavy duty, lockable leather restraints. They had neoprene padding on the inside for comfort and, as I found, a tighter fit and less able to be slipped. I also bought a lockable leather waist-belt as I am particularly fond of a five-point spread-eagle bed tie. It allows me to get as close to a strictly-limited-movement self-bondage tie as, I have found, the waist restraint limits the movement of the waist that the typical spread-eagle still affords.
As a welder, I made my own, extremely sturdy, head and foot boards. No matter how hard I fight against them, movement was very minimal.
Along with my restraints, I also purchased several bi-polar electro-sex attachments for the two high-powered TENS/EMS four-channel units I had purchased from an online medical distributor.
My accessories allowed me to electrify eight different areas of my body…of course all of them having the nerve-endings of a sexual nature.
A bi-polar anal probe which fully inserted, a seven-inch bi-polar urethral sound, bi-polar electro-ball parachute, bi-polar cock-rings x 2, bi-polar vaginal shield (for my outer anus), and a setup of using my nipple rings and ring terminals on each nipple, giving me eight points for electricity to enter my body.
After several experiments between my anal insert and my urethral sound, I had found a pulse and wavelength that would, over time, stimulate my prostrate into a hands free ejaculation.
What fun is long-endured pain and bondage without some sort of sexual release, right?
I had modified the urethral sound to maintain the full seven inches of insertion by attaching a glans ring to the sound using wire. I have had it slip partially out without the modification causing it to move away from my prostrate and deny me the luxury of my hands-free orgasm.
Enough for the setup and onto the actual session.
On the first day of my two-day weekend, I had prepared my bed with my restraint system and placed all my toys on to the bed.
Forgoing coffee for the morning and emptying my bladder and bowels of the previous night’s buildup, I proceeded back to my bedroom, turned invisible dungeon to visitors, and placed and locked my leather cuffs to each of my limbs. As I sleep in the buff, I didn’t have to worry about removing any night clothing. I put the thick leather belt around my waist and cinched it tight and locked it. The locking of my ankle cuffs and my waist-belt is not strictly necessary as there is no way to reach them once my wrists are cuffed wide over my head, but, for some reason I do not feel as if I am truly bound if they are not locked.
Before climbing onto the bed, I placed a small amount of lube on the electro-torpedo and slid it into my anus. I do not particularly like to have my rectum invaded, so, this helps add to the torturous ways of my bondage/torture scenarios.
Once I had the invader fully inserted into me, I went to the kitchen and pulled my ice time release out of the freezer. Being a rather large plastic bowl which the ice and string was frozen into, I knew I would have between two and three hours before my keys would drop down for my release. I placed the frozen bowl into a larger one and took them to my room. I placed the bowl on the floor next to my bed and run the loose end of string through two eye-hooks I had placed into the wall. One, being directly above the bowls, the other, directly above my right hand. Using two eyebolts in this fashion made getting anywhere near the string impossible as the eyebolts were a good eighteen inches above and aside of my secured hand. I tied the keys to my release to the string and slightly tugged to assure the knot was secure. (I have no way of being certain, but, I believe this simple tug to be the root of my problems to come.)
With my release mechanism in place, I quickly went about putting the rest of my toys to use.
First, I strapped the parachute tightly around my balls, using electro-lube to ensure the studded contacts made good contact with my skin. Without the electro-gel, the pain becomes a burning sensation and has left burn marks on my scrotum.
Once the parachute was in place, I placed the two bi-polar rings on the shaft of my penis, one down by the base, the other about mid-way down.
Next came the urethral sound. I lubed its length with the electro-gel and slowly slid its full seven-inch length into my partially erect cock, fitting the glans ring over the head and behind the ring of my cock, effectively holding the sound fully inserted; no matter the state of the blood-filled sacs which controls the penile erection. Erect or not, the sound remained full inserted.
When the insertion of the sound was complete, I went to work on my nipples. Being so deeply locked in the closet of my bondage wants and needs, I had actually pierced my own nipples using ice and a needle…yes, I made sure it was completely sterile. The night before I had done the most embarrassing and most open thing I have ever done to exposing my fantasies; purchased a pair of small-gauged sterling silver nipple rings from a local S&M/jewelry store, of course, saying they were a gift to a girlfriend. After sterilizing the nipple rings and needle, I pierced my nipples and inserted the rings. Yes, it was painful. More-so afterwards and the following several days than the actual pushing of the needle through my nipples. Ice works great to numb nerves.
However, on the day of my current bondage scenario, my piercings were several months old.
I partially removed each nipple ring to allow me to fit a ring terminal behind them. I had put epoxy on one side of the ring terminals to act as an insulator so the ring terminals and the nipple rings would not short out when they touched. When the placement of the ring terminals behind my nipple rings was complete, the ring terminals were pressed against my aureole’s and could not be removed without the removal of my nipple rings.
After all the electrical terminals were complete and the need for further movement was no longer necessary, I locked my ankle cuffs to the chains attached to my sturdy steel foot board and similarly locked chains to my waist belt. I was now secured from the waist down.
While I still had a chance, I peeked over the side of the bed toward my ice release. It had only formed the smooth sheen of melting ice on its top, but, had not melted enough to take much time away from my session.
Then I shoved a ball gag behind my teeth and tightly strap it around my neck, placing and securing a small brass padlock to ensure it will not be removed, even though removal is quite impossible as I will not be able to get my hands anywhere near the back of my neck once their secured. The gag insured that I would not and could not garner anyone’s attention, accidentally or purposefully.
Lastly, I put a rather large dollop of electro-gel on each nipple to help spread the electricity over my nipple and its accompanying aureole and help prevent the sharp burning pain which came if no lube was used.
Once I was ready to lock my wrist cuffs above my head and spread as wide on my queen-sized bed as my arms would allow, I reached down towards my left hip and slowly added electricity using the two four-channel tens units. I took each area of stimulation to their limits of comfort, then, just a little beyond, making each area hurt from the stimuli of the electricity.
I knew my body would eventually get used to the pulsations of electrical current and the discomfort would go away…at least for a while.
I have found through my play using tens units; as they are designed to help alleviate pain in muscles and joints; the pain and sting of the electricity diminishes after several minutes. Thus, the reason I took them above my comfort zone. However, after a while, the pain returns and the longer it is on, the more painful and agonizing the shocks become.
Before the pain returns, however, there is plenty of time enjoy the pleasure the shocks, just below the pain level, provided. Normally I can be forcefully milked of three orgasms during the hour or so before the pain once again returns. Then, I have to pay for my orgasms and endure an hour or two of pain.
Now, I locked my wrists to my headboard and laid back for the ride. As usual and expected, the first fifteen minutes or so, I had to pay my admittance for the ride and suffer until each part of my stimulated body adjusted to the shocks they were receiving. The cost of admittance is only somewhat high and the ride is well worth it. It’s after the ride is over the price becomes quite steep.
I laid there enjoying the slight discomfort which was now turning into the erotic pleasures I have come to enjoy from the use of electricity. I feel it slowly build over time. My muscles deep behind my cock and the rectal muscles deep within my ass begin to contract into their own Kegel. If I purposely Kegel my muscles, however, I am immediately met with pain deep behind my cock and delays my bodies own build-up to orgasm. This allows me to help stave off my orgasms to not happen too quickly, but, can also be very frustrating if I inadvertently do it in the attempt to cum quicker. The electricity and my prostrate determine how long I have to build and when I will be allowed my release…a self-bondage form of denial and release.
I focused on each area being stimulated. The rings of my cock, being connected to separate boxes, feels as if I am being stroked the length of my extremely hard shaft. The urethral sound tickling my prostrate and shocking the head of my cock from the inside. The insert in my rectum causing spasms of the muscles surrounding it and tickling my prostrate from the side opposite of the sound. My balls feeling as if they are being tightly squeezed by an invisible hand, only slightly causing that sharp pulling sensation in my gut that any man whom has been hit in the balls surely understands. Each of my nipples feeling as if they are being pulled and twisted, again by unseen hands.
The sensations had passed the painful part and eased into pure pleasure. My first orgasm building in intensity, making me have to focus on not trying to help it along as one does when using the stroking method. The desire to tighten my muscles becoming harder to overcome with each passing minute of my orgasms rise to release.
As my orgasm boils quickly and I teeter on the edge of releasing my ejaculate, my body shakes and pulls tightly against my restraints in a feeble attempt to get my hands down and help finish the job. The edge seeming to take forever to fall over.
Suddenly, and very much welcomed, my muscles behind my upstanding cock spasm causing me to buck hard against my restraints, thrusting my hips as if I were trying to shove my cock deep into an imaginary pussy and plant my seed deep inside. I feel the blockage of my semen caused by the sound, however, eventually the pressure forces my ejaculate around the invader in my urethra and oozes out and slowly covers the head of my cock in the milky-white substance, unable to be spurt out by the blockage.
After my first orgasm and a short recovery period after, my brain says that I have had enough and play-time is over. If…I had control of my bondage…it would be. However, being locked down and completely unable to escape from my restraints even though there is nothing more than I want is to be freed, I must lie there and endure the shocks still sending their pinching and kneading waves into my spent body. The semen around the sound making a more thorough contact due to its rich sodium content. (Men, you’ve heard it…”it’s too salty.”)
For about fifteen minutes or so after my first orgasm, my bonds are now my foe and the electricity is now my enemy. I writhe, trying to get myself away from the ever-insistent tugging and twisting of my nipples, the squeezing of my balls, the slow teasing of my cock, and the pain in my ass. The only part of my electrical components which I actually could get away from, should I want to, is the insert in my rectum. Though, trying to squeeze and push the invader out is extremely painful when it is emitting its shocking power. I found out early in my play with electricity that ejecting it from the game is a very punishing procedure and it is much, much better to just leave it where it is.
Eventually, I get passed the point where my release from my bondage is no longer a priority as the electricity begins to force itself back into slowly teasing me into another orgasm. However, the second one builds much faster than the first. I’m unsure of the physiology of why this should happen, but it does.
Within ten minutes, I am in the throughs of another orgasm. The reactions being just as intense as the first, however, without the large amount of semen slowly pouring over the head of my penis in the volume it had during my first orgasm. The second orgasm being followed, though a little more intensely, by the intense desire to be free of my bodies entrapment.
It isn’t until after my third orgasm that my body says enough is enough and the electrical stimulus becomes painful again and no longer erotic (though, the pain in itself is somewhat erotic to my sick mind, but, is no different than a crop bringing a captive recipient of its stings to orgasm).
My body is tired and shaking, both, from the electrical stimuli still coursing through my body and the release of endorphins during my multiple orgasms. Lying there trying to recover somewhat from the third orgasmic release, the electricity begins to become irritating as the knowledge that it will continue until the keys fall to my hand, and, due to the ices placement on the floor near the bed, the inability to see how much ice has to melt before my release; my bondage becoming as much a head-game as a game of pain and bondage. The head-game aspect causing the electricity to become more and more painful the longer I am forced to endure it.
Now, time drags quite slowly as I await my release. I struggle against my bonds, trying to exploit any weakness of their ability to maintain my captivity within their confines. I am animate; they are not; I have a brain; they do not; I can figure a way to defeat them; they cannot; still they hold me tightly bound to my bed.
During my struggles, I have found that my right wrist cuff is slightly loose. I try to use this to my advantage and wiggle my, rather large hand, through the cuff encircling my wrist. I pull harder and harder, trying to twist my hand through by getting the chain attached to the cuffs ‘D’ ring in a bind. I find I have gotten very close to slipping my cuff, but my thumb and the sticky neoprene lining the cuff prevents me from extracting my hand from the cuff. My thumb begins to hurt and feels as if I continued to pull it through, I would risk breaking it. The neoprene making the twisting of my wrist, by how tight the cuff was against my hand, impossible. Not wanting to risk injury and, noticing how much more my thumb would have to collapse in order to slip my hand out, would definitely require injury, I pushed my hand back into the cuff and returned it to being around my wrist. I focused on my left wrist, however it being smaller than my right, it was easier and less likely to restrict blood flow by gaining that one extra notch of the belt. It, undoubtedly, would not slip through the cuff.
I lay there being ever more tormented by the electrical shocks to the numerous points of my body’s sex organs and sex triggers. My; so vanilla, she made water taste like chocolate; ex-wife could damn near get me off by licking, sucking, tugging, and twisting my nipples. But my nipples, along with my other points of contact, where in agony as the power seems to grow stronger and stronger as the minute’s pass. The power leaving the boxes was constant and not rising, but my tired, exhausted body felt as if someone was turning them up as time slowly passed.
I knew by how long it had seemed that I have been bound, and the fact that the cum on my cock was completely dry, that my release should have come or will be very shortly. The fact that the keys where still hanging well outside of my grasp told me it was the latter. I would have to endure my discomfort of paying for my orgasms a little longer.
I could not rely on batteries dying in my tens units relieving my discomfort as they were being powered by their wall adapters, batteries being installed to maintain power should there be a quick power failure, thus, not shutting off and remaining off once the power came back on.
I laid in pain for what seemed like hours waiting for the key to drop into my ever awaiting hand, wishing it to fall in my mind as if I could make it fall using telekinesis. The key not so much as twitched.
The pain now was unbearable! I knew the key should have fallen by now; it should have fallen at least an hour ago. I did not know what time it was as I preferred not to be able to see a clock during my self-bondage and torture session, allowing time to stretch or shrink limited only by my stimulated imagination. But, due to the light entering my room through the blinds on my window, I estimated it had to be early afternoon and I had started somewhere around eight-thirty in the morning and had about two or three hours-worth of ice frozen. I should’ve been free around 11:30 or so. The angle of the light hitting my drawn shades made me believe it was more like 2:00 pm or so. Though, I knew the ice could not last that long due to prior usage and the temperature in my bedroom. It was too warm to slow the melting by hours.
I figured, with the very small portion of my mind left to rational thought and not focused upon the pain coursing throughout my badly worn and abused body, that my estimation of time based upon the orientation of the sun’s rays must be inaccurate and the keys were bound to fall shortly.
I laid waiting while the inside and outside of my cock, the inside and outside of my asshole, my balls, and my nipples continued to be racked with pain by the electrical pulses being sent through them. The pain was immense and had become extremely torturous, without any sensation of sexual stimulation. I was in agony.
After what seemed to be another eternity of waiting, I once again tried to determine the time by how the light shone against my window. The window to my bedroom faced south-south-west and I could now see some direct sunlight hitting the bottom right corner of the shades. Now, I knew for a fact it was mid-afternoon, probably three or four pm. I looked back up at the unfallen keys.
For the first time since numerous looks at the dangling keys, I noticed what appeared to be a slight amount of slack in the string between the two eyebolts. I stared and focused intently; at least as intently as the pain I was suffering and barely enduring would allow; at the string between the two eyebolts. Merely looking at the string did not allow me to ascertain the slack in the string between them was definitive, but, the shadow of the string on the wall spoke volumes. There was, indeed, slack in the string. This could only mean one thing and one thing only, the ice was no longer what was keeping the keys attached to the string held out of my reach. The keys had to be stuck somehow. I could not see where the string had looped around the eyebolt. That was clear, as the string was of yellow nylon and the eyebolts were zinc. If they string would’ve been wrapped around an eyebolt, it would stick out like a sore thumb.
I hit the wall as well as my bound wrist would allow. The force on the wall was weak and did not produce a result. I tried again. Nothing. I could not get a forceful enough hit upon the wall to reverberate the drywall to act upon the string. The couple of hits I did make did not even make the keys wobble a fraction of an inch. I laid there for several very painful and very long minutes contemplating just how fucked I was.
I had no friends. They followed the ex during our split. The divorce was extremely bitter and the ex and I were not even close to being on speaking terms, let along, trying to get her to come rescue me. Besides, I didn’t have a phone nearby and I had a large gag preventing comprehensible speech. I knew the only time someone would be around to check on me would be due to the putrid smell of decay garnering someone’s attention.
In my panic, my adrenaline made the pain racking my body temporarily get pushed to the back of my mind. However, even the fear of death did not keep it at bay for long. Soon, I came to the realization that, though I may die of dehydration, I would still be tortured to death. Maybe not literally, but, most definitely, figuratively. The electricity itself would not be what killed me, but I would feel it up until my last breath and my brain slowly starved of oxygen.
All I knew is that I had to get free…and without the use of the keys.
My mind whirled on possible ways to escape my restraints. The pain had erased my mind of my futile previous attempts, though there was a tickle in my mind of getting close…but how?
I struggled against my restraints, pulling as hard as I could against the leather cuffs and the chains I used to secure them to the bed. The cuffs were high-quality leather and the chain was 5/16” welded link. Neither was about to break from the pressure I could put against them. The only thing I achieved in my attempts to break-free was to ignite fires of electrical pain within each of the points I had attached electrodes.
I wanted to cry. However, being a veteran of combat, I had come to terms with death on the battlefield and was not afraid of dying. True, the manner of my death and the pain I would endure while waiting for it to overtake me would not be as easy as a bullet, landmine, or an IED. It would be more like dying as a prisoner-of-war, thankfully a fate I never had to endure…until now…a prisoner of my own war against my own restraints. No doubt about it…I was FUCKED!!!
My mind slowly began to focus on my previous escape attempts. Soon, I remembered about how close I had come to getting my right hand to slip the leather cuff. I started to try again.
I pulled and twisted my wrist, and, eventually my hand, hard against the cuff securing it to my securely-built headboard. I got my thumb pulled into what I guess, was the approximate position I had it in before, as I could feel the same pressure pushing against the base of my thumb and made me stop the first-time. I knew if I pulled too much harder, my thumb would eventually break. The first time I had the luxury of waiting for keys to fall and release me…I was just in pain and wanted out then and there was no real reason to cause myself physical injury. Now, the stakes had changed. It was call all-in or leave the table. I had to call all-in.
I pulled harder than I had ever pulled against my restraints before. The pressure and pain in my thumb finally exceeded the pain I felt from the electricity surging through me. I continued to exact more and more force against my thumb, the pain became almost unbearable.
Another hard pull and I heard and felt the snap of the bone at the base of my thumb. The pain was excruciating. However, I immediately felt my cuff loosen against the outer portion of my hand. With a few more extremely painful tugs, my hand slipped free from the cuff. I was finally free; well, as soon as I grabbed the keys and released the rest of my body I would be free; but I could at least reach the keys to my release now.
I reached down with my very painful right hand and attempted to open the doors covering the buttons to my tens units without the use of my thumb. I quickly decided it would be easier and quicker to try to pull the leads from the top of each box. It was, but, it took a while. I also found turning the key in a lock without the use of my thumb to be quite difficult as well.
Eventually I had freed myself from my bonds and all the electrical attachments on my body. I was damned near too exhausted to walk. With each step, my knees wanted to give out.
I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a mess and it did not take me long to notice the marks of my struggles against my wrists and ankles and the pink indention left by the tight strap of the ball-gag. I decided I would have to wait to get attention for my ever-swelling right hand until the marks on my face had disappeared enough to allow my story of accidently shutting a door on my hand to be believable.
I drank several glasses of water in the attempts to rehydrate my body and get some elasticity back in my skin to hasten the disappearance of the indentions in my skin. I was amazed at how nice it felt to drink something other than my own saliva and not have to concentrate so intently on getting liquids into the correct tube in my throat.
I filled a zip-lock bag full of ice, grabbed a towel, and collapsed in my couch. I iced my poor thumb, hoping to get some of the swelling down and relieve the pain in my thumb as I waited for the tale-tell marks to fade and foray to the hospital and see just how much damage I had done.
This story, fortunately, is the only time I had come so close to death during one of my self-bondage experiences. It is not, however, the longest time I had spent in bondage due to a mistake I had made during the set-up. That one will be on its way.
…Oh, yes. How long was this (mis)adventure? As I didn’t look at the clock when I started; why? …I couldn’t see a clock during it…; I guessed that I had started somewhere around 8:30 am. I was in the bathroom sometime around 6:30 pm. Just about ten hours…give or take a few minutes.
…Oh, and you may be wondering why the keys didn’t fall. Well, the string had become caught between the shaft and the end of the loop of the eyebolt; where they come together; above my hand. Again, I suspect this happened when I tugged on the keys to ensure the knot in the string would not loosen and drop the keys.
I hope you enjoyed reading this much, much more than I did enduring it!!!
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